Reno woke up in a cold
sweat. He couldn't remember the twisted nightmare he had just been through
- he was blind to every nightmare except the one he lived in. He felt empty
inside.
Welcome to my
world Where you grasp
the ends but they manage to slip Whatever trecherous
feeling led him to Shin'ra had now decieved him into a wretched Hell. he
used to think that it would bring him a full life - money, women, power.
But now the question was not what will I get, because the answer to that
was lies and guilt. The question, rather, was - how many people did I kill
today?
Welcome to my
world Where it's all
a lie and the cuts won't die, Just bleed and
gnaw and rip The numbers were
endless. He wanted it to stop so badly, but life just pushed him forward.
But there was no light at the end of his dark, dreary tunnel.
Forward I tumble
but no light is here He was on an end
already, and he was only in his mid-twenties. Was it natural for all emotion
to be killed at this point in the game? he couldn't gain any insight.
Is it a tunnel? No it's a ledge. My lack of emotion Has me on edge He was so helpless
that he sometimes wondered just what it would take to end the dull ache
that constantly reminded him what kind of monster hid under the layers
of charm and confidence.
Would it be so
bad To shed what I
thought I had? Would it be courage
or cowardess to take his own life? He played with the idea constantly -
better he take his own life than have Shin'ra do it for him. If he was
going to escape, it had to be on his own terms - no matter how fleeting
they were.
Would it be brave
to plunge and fall? Or instead be
pushed by the ones of it all? I wonder, and
so I pray, On this dark night,
take me away Either way he couldn't
stand it. The constant torture of his life, with no emotional outlet because
it wasn't allowed.
Dammit! he
cursed silently. I'm forced into this by everyone around me... Show me what it
means to love And I can show
you hate Try the freedom
from the torture And I can shake
the gate He poured a glass
of straight scotch. He couldn't even taste it anymore - what he was tasting
was his own life energy - bitter, disgusting, yet needed to survive. He
was so dependent on his lifestyle, yet abhored it so much. And that was
what he regretted. His body went numb at the thought.
Welcome to this
land Where you are
filled with something gone At the last drop
of alcohol, he let it slide out of the glass like the tear on his cheek.
His hands shook and squeezed at the glass so hard that he made it shatter.
And then it all washed away as his body and heart turned back to stone
- back to Reno the Turk.
Welcome to this
land Where tears and
fears are all a ruse And you cry and
struggle against the abuse Any falters in that
image were strictly confidential. Nobody even knew about the missing love
that ate away at his heart.
So then I stop And look around Mandy had broken
down a man and put him back together in the precious (and short) hours
that they had spent together. She wasn't just a one-night stand - she was
a miracle worker. It had been fate that she came along, and he seriously
doubted he could find it again...
They will not
know The love I killed Wrecked after
what It took to build Because she already
had a part of him.
A miracle
A shred of an angel's wing Reno wondered in
that dark, lonely night whether she had really mattered or not. At a different
perspective, he just as easily could've picked up that glass shard out
of contempt - hatred that he had been left and kept thirsty. He needed
someone again to show him the other end of the spectrum - the side with
red was already upon him. He scratched a bit at the surface of his wrist
with that glass shard.
The shattered
glass with which I cut Glows red with
Evil's eyes He snapped out of
Misery's trance. He threw the glass down and kicked the other pieces furiously
away. He beseeched himself not to inflict any more pain. The physical damage
wouldn't lessen or numb the emotional wounds anyway. Instead, he breathed,
deep and pained, trying to clear his confused and clouded mind. The ideals
of hatred had been so deeply planted into his brain that he could've never
imagined a thing like love. He wanted these lies to be vanquished from
him, like a cleansing of some sort.
I reject and so
I plead Please uproot
the poisoned seed Because everything
he had done right was wrong. Everything he had done wrong was right. Was
Shin'ra right or wrong? It was a lose-lose situation. He was trapped, yet
pulling vainly on the lock that bound his chains.
Show me what it
means to lvoe And I can show
you hate Try the freedom
from the torture And I can shake
the gate He had been cold
and hot.
Exposed and covered.
Wronged and righted
again.
Everything had been
taken from him. First by Shin'ra, then that woman.
I have been raped Of everything
I feel So raw was he that
he didn't even feel like he had anything left.
Sometimes it doesn't
even Seem like it was
real Now where was his
loyalty to lie? With Shin'ra? Should he follow his heart? He didn't even
have a heart. As a Turk, human nature had been taken away, replaced with
bare animal instincts. He pushed it to the back corner of his heart. His
deepest emotion was now a newfound one. One of lost strength and depleted
pride. Deeper it burned inward this acid of shame.
It's a feeling
hidden deep inside my realm He slid back into
bed, wallowing in it. He didn't want anyone else to know of his tormet
and sin.
I don't want it
uncovered again The blood pounded
in his head. Reno wished he could just go back to his childhood and innocence.
Instead, his visions showed him something else...
To do so would
be His bloody, Godforesaken
future as head Turk.
To look into Hell New understanding
instinctively told him that Mandy had been that safety, reverting back
to purity of emotion. But it was only so brief that he could see what she
had really been sent for - to show him the life he gave up for the Devil.
Show me, show
me, what this is Because it's so
unclear Now I know just
what I've missed: The safety from
my fear. ~Owari~
